In front of the bathroom mirror, I stood there brushing my hair when suddenly it happened. It hasn't happened in at least a year and it surprised me so that I dropped the brush into the sink. Tears pushed themselves out of my eyes and the saline streams rushed fast down my cheeks. For a few moments I had to catch my breath though I wasn't moving physically, I was only moving through time.
That is what happens when visions come to me. They arrive like electric jolts to my psyche.
The vision I saw of him, putting his jacket around my shoulders, at night, ocean waves crashing behind us - It was something I missed out on because of the choices I'd made in the past, and now, it was something I couldn't allow myself to be part of, because of my new life. I let myself cry because despite the vision being a sad reminder of my loss, the vision was special to me. I haven't felt wide open to emotional intimacy with anyone in a VERY long time, so long in fact, that I questioned myself as to whether or not I might ever feel like being close to anyone, ever again. Though it was a vision, I felt wide open in his arms, like I didn't have to hide, because he was capable of seeing all the parts of me, the real me. It felt healthy to let myself be emotional, to let myself feel .And despite the melancholy mood of the movie trailer that played in mind- I was happy that I was still capable of seeing it and I hadn't all together lost my foresight or vision.
The vision I saw of him, putting his jacket around my shoulders, at night, ocean waves crashing behind us - It was something I missed out on because of the choices I'd made in the past, and now, it was something I couldn't allow myself to be part of, because of my new life. I let myself cry because despite the vision being a sad reminder of my loss, the vision was special to me. I haven't felt wide open to emotional intimacy with anyone in a VERY long time, so long in fact, that I questioned myself as to whether or not I might ever feel like being close to anyone, ever again. Though it was a vision, I felt wide open in his arms, like I didn't have to hide, because he was capable of seeing all the parts of me, the real me. It felt healthy to let myself be emotional, to let myself feel .And despite the melancholy mood of the movie trailer that played in mind- I was happy that I was still capable of seeing it and I hadn't all together lost my foresight or vision.
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